You know, I've got a confession for you guys. When I was first overloaded with watermelons from Jodar Farms, I had lofty plans for them. After all, watermelons are basically big chunks of sweet water that you have to chew, and water is the main ingredient in a lot of great things! Solid logic, right?

In my experience, Watermelons are actually pretty difficult to work with. Anything other than just eating it with a pinch of salt now seems sort of wasteful to me, and it's NOT because of the atrocities that came from my watermelon experiments... at least not entirely.

Speaking of which, please don't ever mention the phrase "All-natural watermelon gummies" to Kris. There is a possibility that he might actually cry out in pain. Poor thing. Also, vodka-infused watermelons are apparently beyond my abilities. Watermelon-infused vodka, however, I can manage.


Easy peasy, melon squeasy.


One thing I promise is to never, ever post recipes that I am not in LOVE with and, babies, this sorbet far surpasses that requirement. With just 5 ingredients, it's also guilt-free, if you're one of those types who worries about that sort of thing. I'm personally proud of the fact that I can devour a whole quart of this stuff in one sitting. I could probably destroy a few batches, if the ice cream machine I'm using could make more than one at a time!

Watermelon Lavender Sorbet

25 oz diced watermelon [1 lb, 9 oz - About 1/2 of a decent sized melon.]

3 tbsp fresh lime juice 

2 tbsp cucumber vodka [plain will do, lame-o.]

1/2 cup sugar

1 tbsp lavender buds


Medium bowl

Plastic wrap

Food processor / blender / angry fists for punching melon into liquid

1 1/2 quart capacity [or larger] ice cream machine

Airtight, freezer-safe container

First and foremost, let's cut this melon. I don't want you guys just hacking away at this melon like a dang Freddy Krueger. When you're cutting a large amount of melon, it's easiest to chop all of the rind off first rather than cutting slices and trying to remove the rind after. This is how I remove the rind from watermelons like a pro. Mouse-over the image for a detailed description!

Cut both butts off of the watermelon so it can sit flat on your cutting board, and then use your knife to separate the white flesh from the melon.

Once you have done that all the way around, flip the melon over and get the bits that you probably left, unless you're better at this than me. You probably are.

With the melon still on one of its flat butts, cut inch-wide slices vertically through the whole thing.

"Cut" the melon in half like a deck of cards and place the flat sides down on the cutting board. Proceed to slice the shit out of it! You know what to do!

Holy yum.

Tadaa! You just cut the shit out of that melon! Go you! Seeing as how I LOVE having watermelon chunks in the fridge to sneak nibbles of [and infuse water with!] I always just cut the whole watermelon at once and store whatever I don't use right away in a sealed container in the fridge.

Stick a little over a pound [25 oz] of your diced watermelon into your food processor or blender. Run that bad boy until chunks are but a distant memory. You want it to be totally smooth and silky. Don't have a food processor or a blender? Then get really pissed about the fact that you just chopped all of that melon and can't make sorbet out of it. Use that rage to beat the melon into a pulp - literally. 

So smooth, it might steal your girlfriend.


I use Pearl vodka because it's super smooth, yummy and cheap! Any brand will work.


Now, add the vodka, lime juice, sugar and lavender. Just throw it all in there. Pulse a good few times to make sure that lavender buds get chopped up quite a bit. While lavender is oh so delicious, the flavor can be a little overwhelming if you don't break the buds up a bit and end up with a mouthful of them completely intact. It also gives the lavender a chance to infuse with the sorbet mixture during the next step!


Place what is essentially your sorbet fetus in the fridge for about 1-2 hours - long enough for the mixture to chill out and the lavender to make friends with all of the other wonderful flavors.

After you've waited patiently for your mixture to get chilly, pour all of it into your ice cream machine and process as directed. This step is between you and your machine... I can't get involved. Check your manual if you're lost! If you don't have an ice cream machine, use this recipe alone as incentive to get one. 


It's okay to cry. Beauty like this can be overwhelming.


And that's it! Scoop it up, serve it to your pals and expect to be buying a whole lot more watermelons in the future. Store your leftovers [yeah, right.] in an airtight container in the back of the freezer, so that nobody will find it and eat it all before you get to. I thought that my haul would turn into a marathon of watermelon tricks, but I've got 3 melons left, and all of them have "sorbet" written all over them. I really can't bare to use them for anything else!


It's okay to cry. Beauty like this can be overwhelming.


Questions? Concerns? Complaints about my use of the word "fetus"? Send me an email at or leave a comment below!